I am short sighted meaning I can clearly see things that are not too far from me. And to see things or people that are a reasonable distance from me requires a pair of glasses. I obtained my first pair of glasses forty-six years ago. Because I have used a pair of glasses for this length of time, I am acutely aware that there are people whose eyesight are not good and require aid. I am not only aware, I am also patient with anyone who shows signs of having poor eyesight. Prior to my obtaining my first pair of glasses, I had poor eyesight but was totally unaware of it. My parents and teachers were also unaware.When I got into secondary school, I was assigned a seat at the back of the class because I was one of the tallest in the class. I often had difficulty seeing what our teachers wrote on the blackboard. I assumed that everyone else had that difficulty so I didn’t complain about that difficulty.
You see, when you have poor eyesight, you really can’t always tell that other people are seeing much better than you. You just assume that you’re seeing as well as everyone else. So how did I come to be wearing eyeglasses? With time, as I struggled to see what my teachers wrote on the blackboard, my eyes were strained and I experienced headaches. During the vacation, I reported these headaches to my parents who took me to see the doctor. When the doctor asked what my complaint was, I told him, “I have headaches and the headaches make my eyes to hurt me.” He being a professional examined me and smiled. He then told me, “No my dear girl. Your eyes hurt you and it seems that you have a headache.” He referred me to an ophthalmologist who prescribed a pair of glasses for me. That was the end of the ‘headaches’. I never had them again.
What has my eyeglasses experience got to do with marriage?
We come to marriage from different backgrounds and with different life experiences which have molded our perspectives to life. Just like I had no idea that other people’s eyesight was different from mine, you often do not realize that there are perspectives to life that are different from yours. As a result, you see and interpret the actions and attitudes of your spouse from your perspective of life. Like me, you experience hurt and pain, not because others want to hurt you but because you actually are not seeing what they are seeing. Like me, you explain the cause of the hurt and pain you experience based on your limited knowledge. Although I thought I had a headache, I didn’t have a headache. What I had was poor eyesight. Even though the pain I had mimicked a headache, it wasn’t a headache. If I had repeatedly taken medication for headache, it would have been no help to me. I sought help from someone who knew better than me. Someone who had skills and capacity to diagnose what was wrong and prescribe a solution. He prescribed a pair of glasses for me and for forty-six years I have lived free of headaches and have received assistance to see as though my eyes had perfect vision.
What hurt and pain are you experiencing in your marriage relationship? How are you currently explaining the cause of the hurt and pain? Would you want to talk to someone who has the skills and the capacity to diagnose what really is wrong and who can prescribe a solution?