In regards to ethnic background, I am Yoruba and my husband is Ibo. In Yoruba land, the wedding rites isn’t considered complete until the ceremony in the marriage registry or the church is completed meaning I had to remain with my parents after our traditional rites. On the other hand, Ibos consider a couple married after the traditional marriage rites are done. The later ceremonies in the Registry or church are just icing on the cake.The bride leaves her family at the conclusion of the traditional rites. Consider the careful negotiation that must occur when a couple from different ethnic origins decide to get married. Even within the same ethnic groups, family traditions differ.The ethnic group marriage system. The family marriage system. The religious marriage system. The denominational marriage system. The Marriage under the Act (the marriage as recognized by the constitution) system.Which one is superior to the other? Which one should prevail? And who should decide?
I am short sighted meaning I can clearly see things that are not too far from me. And to see things or people that are a reasonable distance from me requires a pair of glasses. I obtained my first pair of glasses forty-six years ago. Because I have used a pair of glasses for this length of time, I am acutely aware that there are people whose eyesight are not good and require aid. I am not only aware, I am also patient with anyone who shows signs of having poor eyesight. Prior to my obtaining my first pair of glasses, I had poor eyesight but was totally unaware of it. My parents and teachers were also unaware.When I got into secondary school, I was assigned a seat at the back of the class because I was one of the tallest in the class. I often had difficulty seeing what our teachers wrote on the blackboard. I assumed that everyone else had that difficulty so I didn’t complain about that difficulty.
Tola and Peju came into marriage with two different backgrounds and teachings about marriage. Peju grew up in a family where women simply yielded to the men whenever there was a difference of opinion. Seeing the impact this way of doing things had on her mum and aunties, she resolved that in her own marriage she wouldn’t allow her husband to “oppress” her. According to her, marriage wasn’t a do or die affair. For Tola, her husband grew up in a family where marriages were kept intact even if the husband wife were unhappy. It was a taboo to even consider separation. But the men in his family dominated their women. The women in his family did what their husbands told them to do. They’ve now been married for five years. Their two “backgrounds” are clashing and there’s fire on the mountain. They love each other and want a happy marriage, but things aren’t working out.